Real Aussie Jokes Book

About The Real Aussie Jokes Book

The Real Aussie Jokes Book has over 1000 jokes, one liners, poems and captions and has something for everyone as it covers most aspects of everyday living. The book was written to bring laughter into people’s lives as it is still one of the best medicines for improving mental health. So if it can bring hope and laughter then it has achieved it’s purpose.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

The Author having grown up on the land in the Mid-North of South Australia 6 years shearing and spending many years on the road as a sales representative for Golden North and Farmers Union this took him all over South Australia, regional Victoria and New South Wales and gave him the opportunity to meet so many people of different backgrounds, cultures, experiences and many characters along the way. There was always a joke to tell or listen to. The Author pays special tribute to his late Grandfather as the author inherited some of his Grandfather’s ability to remember jokes. So the following are some he learned along the way from memory, mates, family, colleagues and word of mouth.

JOKES FROM THE REAL AUSSIE JOKES BOOK

The Australian Government today announced that it is changing it’s emblem from a Kangaroo and Emu to a condom, because it more accurately reflects the Governments political stance. A condom stands up to inflation, halts production, destroys the next generation, protects a bunch of pricks and gives you a sense of security while you are actually being screwed.

Some doctor on TV, said the way to achieve inner peace is to finish all the things that you have started. So I looked around my house to things that I have started but not finished. So before leaving home this morning I finished off the bottle of Chardonnay, the bottle of Merlot, the bottle of Bailey’s the Scotch, packet of Pringles, the rest of the Prozac, Vallium, the rest of the cheese cake and box of chocolates. You have no idea how bloody good I feel right now!! Please send this to all the people you feel are in need of inner pizz.

I took a leaflet out of my letterbox informing me that I can have sex at 82, I’m so happy because I live at 74….so it’s not far for me to walk home afterwards.

Having sex is like playing cards, if you don’t have a good partner you’d better have a good hand.

Women’s lives are more healthy and satisfactory compared to men. Reason- Women don’t have Wives.

For better digestion I drink Beer
In the case of lost appetite, I drink white wine
In the case of low blood pressure I drink red wine
In the case of high blood pressure I drink scotch
And when I have a cold I drink Schnapps
A friend asked me, ” when do you drink water”? I replied, “I never been that sick.”